Episode 29: Be More Concise

​​Want to write sales emails like a pro?

Kristina and Will look at common email mistakes (using real examples) and rewrite them so that you can learn what to do differently.

Join Kristina Finseth (Sr. Manager, Outbound Growth Marketing at Greenhouse) and Will Allred (Co-Founder & COO at Lavender) to get TWO perspectives and TWO approaches on real sales emails, every week on Sales Hacker.

Watch today’s re-write, and check out the before and after emails below. 👇

Be More Concise

Subject line: Your prospects are uncertain and profitability is at risk

Hi Will,

With so much content flooding the market, buyers in your space are struggling to wade through all of the noise. Uncertain buyers are unlikely to complete a purchase at all. In fact, uncertainty can reduce their likelihood of making a major purchase by up to 160%.

Sellers at best-in-class organizations are now positioned to help buyers make sense of this flood of information.

We help our clients make better use of their content to create an online experience that gives their prospects more confidence in their buying decisions. These integrated solutions then hand the sales organization what they need to cut through the noise your competitors are making in your space.

We’d love to arm you with some new ideas to help keep you ahead of the curve.

Would you like to use this link to select a time most convenient for you? [full booking link]. If you’d prefer to volunteer a time, we’re sure we can make it work for you.




Will’s Rewrite

Subject: Shopify Logistics

Hi Will,

Looks like you’re using Shopify for your storefront. How’re you liking it?

We’ve found that when teams get into e-commerce this can be a great place to start. Our customers, like Stairmaster, needed a site that could account for real time logistics.

If that’s something you’re looking into, let’s connect.


Kristina’s Rewrite

Subject: Subscription Billing


Noticed Lavender has a subscription-based model – thought I’d reach out.

Founders in similar companies (like X and Y) risk customers jumping ship to competitors because of a complicated subscription experience.

^ Our platform simplifies it with a better recurring billing process and deep subscription analytics. 

Curious if you struggle with the same – worth a chat?


Have a question about your sales email? Start a discussion in the community.


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